Mommy Fail @ Four Months

Well, we've made it to four months. Four months still breastfeeding and with a happy, healthy, breathing baby. If you'd have asked me in the beginning if I would still be breastfeeding this far along, I'd have had to pause and give it serious consideration. Never imagining that I'd find my way. In the beginning I was terrified that I'd do something wrong and mess her up. But somehow I've managed to keep her breathing and healthy with barely an injury. (I still touch her sometimes when she's too peaceful just to make sure she's still alive, how long does that last?)

It took me four months before I truly injured my child for the first time. After my fourth month I felt comfortable with "I've-got-this-I'm-an-expert" and it bit me in the ass. While visiting friends who recently had a baby I decided to cut Bonnie's fingernails because she wouldn't let me when she was sleeping. I got through all the sharp ones and felt pretty proud of myself. Put the clippers down and moved on. But wait, this thumb nail looks too long, let me get that one too. Snip! Waaaaaahhhhhh. Took off a chunk of baby's finger too. She cried for about 30 seconds, but then calmed down. We ran her finger under water and it started bleeding. Our hostess is a nurse so she got supplies to help me. Paper towels to put pressure, peroxide, Neosporin, and band aids. Because it was the tip of her thumb it was hard to get a good pressure angle. Once the Dora band aid was on, we needed to get a bigger one to hold it in place. When I squeezed the tip of the Dora band aid blood came squishing out. I can handle all kinds of blood but the fact that I did that to my baby made me light headed. I had to hand her off to Johnathan. She bled for close to 45 minutes so we decided to take her to children's urgent care (it being a holiday and all). When we got there they took us right back because they were pretty sure there wasn't anything they could do for her. They took some gauze and put it on her thumb and then wrapped her little hand all the way up to put good pressure on it. They said a band aid wasn't a good idea because it could come off and she could choke on it (good to know). We made a few jokes about her monster hand, and Johnathan kept saying, "I'm not a monster!" Her little hand was so heavy and she couldn't grip things without her thumb, but she sure tried. She seemed fine and didn't care. Everyone said it happens all the time, but that didn't keep me from feeling like a total piece of useless crap. Who cares if moms do this all the time, I'm not supposed to do it. I accidentally injured my child and felt horrible, it makes you wonder how anyone could do it on purpose. Needless to say Bonnie won't remember it and doesn't care, but I care and I'll never forget. :(

My MIL says I'll do anything to make her left handed :)

We had her 4 month doctor appt today and she checked out well. 13 pounds 14.8 ounces (50th percentile) and 25.5 inches long (90th percentile). We have ourselves a tall little girl, who just loves to kick kick kick those tall little legs. She still doesn't sleep through the night, but she's getting close. She's such a sweet and happy little baby. She rarely gets fussy and loves to give smiles. I'll take that over sleeping through the night any day (oh nice pun!). I only have one four month picture because she was squirming and I couldn't find my actual camera (more on that in a later post). But Johnathan managed to get one good picture on his cell phone.

Oh, and after going on and on about how I'm quitting breastfeeding...I've decided not to quit breastfeeding. It's amazing a woman's ability to change her mind. I've come to this conclusion for several reasons. 1) I'm still producing quite well and it'd be a kick in the face to all those who wish they still could, 2) I've managed to get it down to just pumping in the mornings and at bedtime so it doesn't interrupt my day. That's enough to give her several servings during the day with a little formula supplementing, 3) She's not sleeping through the night and there's nothing easier then just pulling her over and feeding her, and 4) I honestly don't want to go through the discomfort of engorgement, selfishly :). Good for baby, good for me.

Bonnie Brags

• She's a brave girl that doesn't cry for long when she's hurt. She also got her 4 month shots today and was easily consoled by Mama after the fact
• She loves her bedtime stories and kick kick kicks with excitement
• She's learning to grab her pacifier and pull it out of her mouth and then put it back in, sometimes the wrong way, but I think that's on purpose. She's taken to gnawing on it, I wonder if she's starting to teeth.
• She lays happily entertaining herself if she wakes up before Mommy and Daddy are ready to get up.
• Oh I could keep going on and on but you've just gotta see this kid to truly get how awesome she is!