When I was little I use to sleep walk. Sometimes it was simple: walking into the living room and telling my Dad that I was there to watch TV. Sometimes a more sordid affair: walking into the bathroom, taking off my underwear and putting it in the toilet. To the frightening: standing in the hallway outside my Dad and brothers rooms and screaming at the top of my lungs, "We're all gonna die!!!!!!"
Did you know that sleep walking is hereditary? I got my sleep walkers badge from my Grandmother. Did you know not to wake up a sleep walker? I know from personal experience that it's pretty traumatizing. To wake up from a dead sleep; to be in a place and situation you don't expect!? Tears and hysterics abound.
As I grew older, it changed. I didn't walk so much as talk. Over the last few years it manifested itself as middle of the night discussions/arguments with Johnathan.
Sleeping Me: We should really take the unicorn to the museum this weekend. Sleepy Johnathan: What? Unicorn? You're crazy, not making sense, and you're sleeping Indignant (sleepy) Me: I am too making sense! The unicorn! Don't tell me you don't remember the unicorn!? And I am so awake! I've been laying here thinking FOREVER! Annoyed Johnathan: I just heard you snoring, you're not awake. Go to sleep. Childish (grumbling) Me: Am so awake! *humph**roll over*
But here's the kicker, I would remember it all in the morning which isn't common for sleep walk/talking. The next day I would sheepishly apologize to Johnathan, and he would graciously tell me, "yeah, you were crazy." Touche.
Over the last few weeks, I've developed a new manifestation. Panicking and scrambling to keep Bonnie from either being crushed in the middle of the bed, or from falling off the bed. I'll see her shadow sitting up about to tumble, and I lunge grabbing and shaking Johnathan trying to catch her. Obviously this disturbs his sleep, because naturally any hysterical woman would disturb. The thing is, Bonnie hasn't slept in our room for at least a month so it's complete lunacy (see how I did that!? lunar. moon. night. sleep. crazy.). Aside from it bothering Johnathan, it bothers me. Who wants to have moments of panic every night? Certainly not I.
I'm sure it's because Bonnie is getting more and more mobile which means she has to be monitored more then she use to. I have a theory that every baby gets dropped at least once in their life, but we've been lucky that hasn't happened to Bonnie yet. It's "easy" to be nonchalant about dropped babies when it's not your own. Sure, sure, they're resilient, blah, blah. I know all that, it's just...it's MY BABY!
Have any of y'all gone through baby hallucinations? Or am I alone on this mattress!?
...we've had brand new lives for half a year and it feels like no time at all. Days/weeks/months seem to fly by. I'd like to say that I can't even remember what life was like before Bonnie came, but that'd be a lie. Oh I remember...the freedom. Even when I thought I was busy before, I know now that I absolutely was not. The memories of when every day was my own, to do whatever I wanted with it. Sleep usually took precedence. Funny how if given the choice we used to sleep our days away. Sleep doesn't come around here much anymore. Johnathan says he loves the waking up early because you get so much done in a day, and it's true. And maybe I don't miss the sleep as much as I miss the freedom to sleep, frustration at the lack of choice. But I suppose I should be honest with myself, I do have a choice. I chose to have a child, which everyone knows means I chose a life of sleepiness. :)
Regardless, I'd choose Bonnie over my old life any day. What a lovely, lovely child we have! It's definitely over the last month that she's started becoming more and more independent. She gets into anything she can, within reach. She can't crawl yet, but shows great promise. For someone who can't crawl she sure can get round. I'm sure wiggling and squiggling is involved. I root for her to start crawling all the time, but am also terrified of what that will mean for our life :).
She had her 6 month check-up on Friday, where she weighed 15 lbs 12 oz (50th percentile) and 26 inches tall (50th percentile). She's not been happy at the doctor's office lately. We took her there a few weeks ago because she had her first fever (it only lasted a day). She had an unhappy time when the doc had me hold her down so he could clean out her ears. I had never seen her so upset in my life. So much so that when she had fallen asleep in my arms afterward she was still sniffling in her sleep. She must have remembered that, because she did not like being held down for her height measurement and cried during the normal exam too. We didn't help the situation by giving her 3 shots later. Thank goodness we don't have to go back until 9 months, and I think no shots then.
Bonnie Brags
She pretty much sleeps through the night now, in her own room. Goes to bed between 6:30 - 7 (usually goes down quickly and easily) and sleeps til 4 at the earliest. If she wakes up around 4 or 5 I can usually entice her to go back to sleep for a little longer. But if she wakes up after 6 then she's pretty much up. I'll take it! Sold!
She's just such a sweet happy baby. I know I can take her into public situations and 99% of the time she'll be a perfect sweet angel. She is hardly ever fussy and if she is, it's not the kind of meltdown that you sometimes witness in public. She gets lots of attention because of her overwhelming cuteness. Johnathan and I went separate ways in Target the other day and when I went looking for him, I was having trouble finding him. I looked at the Target associates and said, "I can't seem to find my husband." They said, "I think that's him right there." I turn around and there's a swarm of women around him cooing at Bonnie. I couldn't see him through all the broads ;)
If you lay Bonnie down on the floor, she can get up to a sitting position by herself and stay that way.
6 months and sitting up
If you put something in front of her on the floor she'll get on her hands and knees and pretend like she's going to crawl towards it.
She thinks that Jericho is hilarious and giggles at him all the time. Too bad he's terrified of her touching him, it's almost like he thinks, "Eww baby germs!".
She's graduated to high chairs, grocery buggies, and no seat in the tub (we're going to inflate her ducky bath next). It's like a whole new world for her, sitting up and looking out.
Her hair is getting longer. I try to sweep it over to the side, but I haven't decided if that's the look I'm going for or not.
She loves remotes (we have since bought her her own baby remote), cell phones, laptops, iPads, pretty much anything a grown has and uses. I about lost my breakfast plate with a full breakfast on it the other morning because of Miss Grabby.
She is working on loving her doorway jumper, I think she just needs a little more control. Her Grandma got her a stationary jumper and she loves that one MUCH more. Even wore the skin off her little toe while she was jumping for joy, needless to say she didn't care.
She gives kisses, but they are open mouthed, sloppy, and violent. Basically the best kisses in the world.
As you know, we've had Bonnie in our room with us since day one. At first sleeping on us, but then graduating to a contour changing pad in between us. It's worked great for keeping her close and safe. She still doesn't sleep through the night, so the convenience couldn't be beat. However, as she started growing and developing, we started to see that the situation couldn't last long. I kept trying to stretch it out because, did I mention she doesn't sleep through the night?! When she learned to roll over, we started putting pillows on either side of the bed, just in case she rolled out while we weren't in the room. She never did, because she was too busy sleeping. However, there were a few instances when Johnathan woke up with a baby laying across his back in the wee morning hours. Then the other night Johnathan called me into the room. Bonnie was on her tummy on the bed, between her pad and a pillow looking back at me, faced the completely wrong direction! So not only did she roll off, she spun herself around 180 degrees. The changing pad has straps on it that we could use to hold her in place, but I was hesitant to use those when she's sleeping. As Johnathan said, "we need to do something about this."
The obvious solution is/was to use the perfectly good nursery across the hall. It's been ready for a baby since day one, but rarely been used for anything but changing diapers. Sure, there were a few times we used the crib for naps and/or baby corral but it was truly a wasted space. I tried to move her in there weeks ago after we got back from the beach when Johnathan declared he wanted his bed back. But she woke up crying several times and I declared she wasn't ready yet. So yesterday I decided to make an honest to God go at it, get serious about her sleeping in there, sacrifice my ability to doze while I get her back to sleep upon her inevitable wake-ups.
However, to make mommy feel better, I needed some supplies. After work, I went and bought a breathable baby bumper (cause she's already managed to get her limbs stuck between the bars several times), a wireless camera (so I won't have to go in and bother her if she's doing just fine), and a small fan (we use one in our room for white noise and to help keep cool, so she needed one). I had been going into our room and sitting on the bed with her, playing her CD, feeding her, and putting her to sleep with me sitting next to her to help her settle down. So I moved the process to her room, hoping she'd fall asleep during her bottle so that the transition to the crib would be easy. Of course, my luck doesn't go that way. She was wide awake once her bottle was done, so I laid her in her crib, turned on her mobile (it lights up, not the one above), and sat back down in the chair. I had her bedtime lovie and a blanket in the crib (not that she allows herself to be covered up, but it probably smelled familiar and I wanted her to be comforted by that). The new camera I bought can be watched on a phone or iPad, so I sat in the chair and watched her on the camera. Just to make sure she didn't get herself into any trouble. She stayed in place while the mobile was on, but once it stopped she started scooting around having a little crib party. Squealing, and scooting, and rolling around. She found the blanket and pulled it all of the place, I watched and made sure she didn't get wrapped up in it. At one point I stood up, and moved her back into position in the crib. A few minutes after that, she fell asleep.
She woke up at 12 and 4. I think I could have stretched the 12 out, she looked like she would have fallen back asleep, but I felt like I needed to feed her for my own comfort (if you catch my drift). But the big news story is that she slept until 7:30 which is 30 to 45 minutes later then she normally sleeps. Honestly, going in there to feed her 2 times wasn't that bad. The chair we have in there is comfy, and if I can just figure out how to cushion my head, maybe I can even doze a little bit. I have hopes that once she's used to being in there and isn't being disturbed by our sleep sounds she may even sleep through the night. I could be dreaming though (nice pun Wendy!). So at the risk of George W. Bushing it, I'll say, "Mission Accomplished!"
I was going through some old photos/newspaper clippings and found something my grandmother had saved. When I first looked at it, all I saw was the picture. It bothered me a little. Seeing 9 year old me having to hold up a sign saying I Love You Mom!. I thought poor me, I wonder what I was thinking at the time. But I still stand by my assertion that Mother's Day didn't really bother me growing up, so I was surprised at how it made me feel now.
But then, I looked further below and realized why it had never bothered me...
I have a wonderful Grandmother who rocks! I count myself lucky to know her, and have had her as my honorary mother when it was necessary. I'm very glad we named Bonnie after her, and I hope I'm able to live my life with as much grace as her.
Wow, I have no idea why it feels like such a good milestone, but I'm really diggin the fact that Bonnie is 5 months old. It sounds so much more wise and worldly then 4 months old :). Every day she grows into more of herself and it's a joy to watch her. She really is a joyful baby, and a pleasure to raise. All smiles, giggles, and laughter. The other day Johnathan said, "I love her more and more every day! I never thought I could continue loving someone so much after 5 months." Of course it was said tongue in cheek, considering I'm his wife and it had better be!!!! :)
I never did a post on Father's Day, but seeing Johnathan with his daughter warms my heart. He is truely fantastic with her, and demonstrates his love for her every day. I have no doubt that he was born to be a father, and is never more his true self then when he's with her. I feel blessed to have him as my parenting partner and help mate.
I was bad mama this week and didn't take Bonnie's 5 month picture on the actual day, I was a day late...the horror! I've recently started working out a few days a week, and by the time I get home with Bonnie there's hardly any time left before her bedtime. Also, now that I've started feeding her rice cereal, we "practice" eating every night before bed. I say practice because she's still working on getting opening her mouth and swallowing down. With all that, time got away and I completely forgot the pictures until the next day. Oh well, it was bound to happen sometime.
Bonnie Brags
She's a rolling machine! You lay her on her back, turn your head (cough?!), look back, and she's on her tummy. She also likes to roll over when she's in her little bed that's on our bed. There are many mornings when Johnathan and I have woken up with her having rolled over off her bed and onto Johnathan. She prefers his side. Luckily her bed is also a changing pad, so it has a strap we can use to keep her in place when we need to.
She loves making noises and chirping and making bubbles and squealing. I can't say for 100% certain, but I think she likes to make mouth farting noises whenever she for real farts.
She's getting so much better at eating cereal. I can't wait until I feel like she's mastered it so I can give her some of the first baby foods. I want my girl to experience the flavors the world has to offer.
She's gotten so much better at falling asleep and staying asleep at bed time. I've even had a few nights where she slept almost all night. We're not there just yet, but I can see it on the horizon. Can't wait until we can move her into the nursery, although I'm sure I'll miss her too.
She has discovered the blinds beside her changing table. Now whenever we change her she attacks the blinds with glee, pulling on them. Johnathan let's her do it because she loves it so much, whereas I pull her hand away a thousand times and say no. The parenting roles are starting to form, haha.
Johnathan says one morning when they were both awake he watched her playing with a toy and then drop it and start inspecting her hand. She grabbed each little finger as if to count and explore what she had to work with. He loves watching her learn.
She loves it when I sing to her. Not in the way you might think. If she's in the back seat and I'm in the front singing, I'm not sure she cares about that. But if I'm sitting with her where she can see my face and I'm singing she starts to grin really big. I think she finds it funny to hear mommy make the same sounds she hears in the background.
We had our first beach trip with baby this year. We took our yearly trip to the Outer Banks and I had such high hopes for Bonnie's enjoyment. Unfortunately she's still a bit young to really have a good time. I bought a baby float with shade so that she could spend some time in the pool (the shade was important since she's still too young for sunblock). The first day we all got into the pool (Johnathan, Bonnie, my brother, his wife and three kids 1,5,7 and my 9 yo sister-in-law), and thank goodness it didn't seem too cold. We blew up the float and put B in it. She was fine, didn't cry and lounged about. But she didn't seem to care either way and actually looked kind of bored. I think the fact that it was nap time and she had fallen asleep by the pool before I rudely woke her up to put her in might have had something to do with the lack of excitement. That was really her last time in the pool the whole week, other than one time her Grammy (I think we're trying that out now) tried to get in and apparently she shrieked because it was too cold. Pool time = fail
There's always the beach, right!? When we finally made it out there it was bright and sunny and WINDY. I bought a beach shelter to protect her (and me) from the sun. But it was so windy that it wouldn't stay straight so you couldn't see anything while in it. At one point I laid B down on a towel so I could get out and do something and when I got back in her little head was covered in sand, eyes too. She didn't seem to care, but I did! So I transferred to a chair under an umbrella but it was just so windy and slightly chilly and the sun just wouldn't sit still, I kept losing my shade. I eventually took B into the front seat of the Tahoe we had on the beach, fed her, and napped with her while everyone else stayed out and played. I will say she did get to see the ocean and I did stick her little feet in, so there is that. Beach time = fail
Now before you get all downhearted about my beach trip busts know that it wasn't all bad, just certain first time mom expectations were broken. The good things about the trip were many. Good food, good family, good times. And it seems like Bonnie grew up even more on the trip. She finally mastered rolling over on her own, and has been a rolling machine ever since. There was a hint that she was going to do it because while packing for the trip I had her in her pad on the bed and when I came back into the room she was on her tummy in our bed, but I think that was an easy roll. The true test was floor rolling. On one level it's awesome to see her develop and master something but it's a pain to keep her entertained now. She quickly gets tired of being on her tummy but when you roll her onto her back she rolls right back over again. And due to this new skill she has turned into a bit of a side sleeper, just like her mommy. But sometimes she rolls onto her tummy in her sleep and it wakes her up. We may need to get a sleep positioner of some sort, we'll see how that pans out.
Bonnie with Uncle J
Before learning to roll over
Hey, I've rolled over!
Rolling over is so tiring, Imma gonna lounge like Daddy
She's also chattering a lot more now and making mouth bubbles and squealing (sometimes in joy, sometimes in frustration). I've learned to prepare myself with a paci when I'm feeding her a sleepy bottle, because if the bottle finishes before she wants it to, there is audio hell to pay. So I try to quickly swap the bottle for a paci so she doesn't notice much. Oh and she's also learned new ways to pacify herself, like sticking her foot/big toe in her mouth. Gosh babies are so bendy!
One really positive thing from this trip is I learned her new schedule really well. It was one way when we were on leave together, but ever since she's started going to her Grammy's house during the week I've been floundering on the weekends trying to figure out her schedule. I've got it now, and that will make things a lot smoother going forward. She still naps best while laying on someone and that's probably not convenient but it does allow for some down time, and I'll take it! Bonnie and I shared quite a few 3 hour naps at the beach.
Our car was so loaded up with stuff that there was no room in the backseat beside her. On the way back home, near her bedtime she got really bored and fussy. I spent a lot of time turned around in my seat on my knees trying to distract her (uncomfortable was the word of the day). We had to stop several times to take her out and console her. It was so upsetting to see her red puffy face when we pulled her out. Sometimes I wish it was safe to hold babies in the car. When we still had 2.5 hours to go and she was sobbing we considered just pulling over and getting a hotel, but she finally fell asleep for the night, thank God! We learned two valuable lessons from that: 1) Don't go anywhere without Jacque the Peacock by her side and 2) Never pack so much that there isn't room to sit beside her.
Here is a video of happier car times:
She seems hungry all the time now, so we've decided to try rice cereal with her. The first attempt was last night, and I'm pretty sure she didn't swallow any of it. Not really sure how this is supposed to help with hunger :), but we'll keep trying.
Well, we've made it to four months. Four months still breastfeeding and with a happy, healthy, breathing baby. If you'd have asked me in the beginning if I would still be breastfeeding this far along, I'd have had to pause and give it serious consideration. Never imagining that I'd find my way. In the beginning I was terrified that I'd do something wrong and mess her up. But somehow I've managed to keep her breathing and healthy with barely an injury. (I still touch her sometimes when she's too peaceful just to make sure she's still alive, how long does that last?)
It took me four months before I truly injured my child for the first time. After my fourth month I felt comfortable with "I've-got-this-I'm-an-expert" and it bit me in the ass. While visiting friends who recently had a baby I decided to cut Bonnie's fingernails because she wouldn't let me when she was sleeping. I got through all the sharp ones and felt pretty proud of myself. Put the clippers down and moved on. But wait, this thumb nail looks too long, let me get that one too. Snip! Waaaaaahhhhhh. Took off a chunk of baby's finger too. She cried for about 30 seconds, but then calmed down. We ran her finger under water and it started bleeding. Our hostess is a nurse so she got supplies to help me. Paper towels to put pressure, peroxide, Neosporin, and band aids. Because it was the tip of her thumb it was hard to get a good pressure angle. Once the Dora band aid was on, we needed to get a bigger one to hold it in place. When I squeezed the tip of the Dora band aid blood came squishing out. I can handle all kinds of blood but the fact that I did that to my baby made me light headed. I had to hand her off to Johnathan. She bled for close to 45 minutes so we decided to take her to children's urgent care (it being a holiday and all). When we got there they took us right back because they were pretty sure there wasn't anything they could do for her. They took some gauze and put it on her thumb and then wrapped her little hand all the way up to put good pressure on it. They said a band aid wasn't a good idea because it could come off and she could choke on it (good to know). We made a few jokes about her monster hand, and Johnathan kept saying, "I'm not a monster!" Her little hand was so heavy and she couldn't grip things without her thumb, but she sure tried. She seemed fine and didn't care. Everyone said it happens all the time, but that didn't keep me from feeling like a total piece of useless crap. Who cares if moms do this all the time, I'm not supposed to do it. I accidentally injured my child and felt horrible, it makes you wonder how anyone could do it on purpose. Needless to say Bonnie won't remember it and doesn't care, but I care and I'll never forget. :(
My MIL says I'll do anything to make her left handed :)
We had her 4 month doctor appt today and she checked out well. 13 pounds 14.8 ounces (50th percentile) and 25.5 inches long (90th percentile). We have ourselves a tall little girl, who just loves to kick kick kick those tall little legs. She still doesn't sleep through the night, but she's getting close. She's such a sweet and happy little baby. She rarely gets fussy and loves to give smiles. I'll take that over sleeping through the night any day (oh nice pun!). I only have one four month picture because she was squirming and I couldn't find my actual camera (more on that in a later post). But Johnathan managed to get one good picture on his cell phone.
Oh, and after going on and on about how I'm quitting breastfeeding...I've decided not to quit breastfeeding. It's amazing a woman's ability to change her mind. I've come to this conclusion for several reasons. 1) I'm still producing quite well and it'd be a kick in the face to all those who wish they still could, 2) I've managed to get it down to just pumping in the mornings and at bedtime so it doesn't interrupt my day. That's enough to give her several servings during the day with a little formula supplementing, 3) She's not sleeping through the night and there's nothing easier then just pulling her over and feeding her, and 4) I honestly don't want to go through the discomfort of engorgement, selfishly :). Good for baby, good for me.
Bonnie Brags
She's a brave girl that doesn't cry for long when she's hurt. She also got her 4 month shots today and was easily consoled by Mama after the fact
She loves her bedtime stories and kick kick kicks with excitement
She's learning to grab her pacifier and pull it out of her mouth and then put it back in, sometimes the wrong way, but I think that's on purpose. She's taken to gnawing on it, I wonder if she's starting to teeth.
She lays happily entertaining herself if she wakes up before Mommy and Daddy are ready to get up.
Oh I could keep going on and on but you've just gotta see this kid to truly get how awesome she is!
