Mother's day has always been a "funny" day for me. Because I grew up without a mother it wasn't really on my radar until it had to be. I usually had no idea when it was, unless we were in elementary school making something for our mothers. Obviously in those instances I gave whatever I made to Dad. I'm sure I probably did some things for Grandmama over the years, but can't remember anything specific.
I could have gone through the day perfectly happy if people didn't make it a point to come up to me with sympathy in their eyes, hug me, and say they were sorry. I'm sure they had the best of intentions, but it wasn't really helpful. I'm sure for those who don't know me, it all sounds so very cold hearted, but trust me when I say that you can only mourn so long for someone that you never knew. At some point you have to suck it up and gather strength from the circumstances rather than wallow in them. I always say that I'm strong because of my mothers death, not in spite of it.
Once I got married, Mother's day took on a little bit more meaning. I had to remember when it was, because we all know that men are hopeless to remember things like that (am I right ladies!?!?) and Johnathan's mom deserved recognition. After all she did give life to my best friend and lover (I just felt everyone cringe at that one). So over the last few years, I've learned to remember and embrace the day.
However, this year it's taken on another new meaning. It's now a day to celebrate me. To recognize all that I do as a mother. And I now know that this day is SO necessary. We mothers work hard! We feed, and nuture, and comfort, and soothe, and love, and care, and cherish, and snuggle, and and and. The list could go on forever.
I mean, sure, someone (heartless) could make an arguement that we have birthdays so why do we need Mother's day!? But I think once you become a mother those days should both be honored and separate. Birthday's should be to celebrate who you are as a person, friend, family member, etc.. Mother's day should be to celebrate all the sacrifices that we gladly make for our children. A moment to hear "Thank You" and to know that no matter what, we are doing something of worth.
Now I would be disingenuous if I didn't admit that a small part of me is excited about gifts, because who doesn't like gifts!? But really, I'm most excited about the fact that the day isn't just a day anymore. That I understand it now, in a way that I never did before. And that I'm now part of an awesome club of women who deserve honor...and cake (why don't we get cake on Mother's day!?!?).
With that new understanding, I'm going to thank my mother this coming Sunday for lovingly carrying me for 9 months, and her loving devotion while she was still alive. Although I don't remember it, I'm sure it was there just as it's there for me with Bonnie. I kiss Bonnie's face a thousand times a day, and I know to my core that my mother did the same. A thousand kisses that have carried me to now, and will continue to resonate for a lifetime.
I love you Mom!
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| Mom and 2 month old brother John |
